North of Pelican Rapids sample

NANCY

It’s so warm out tonight, Ronald! It couldn’t have been a more perfect night for this.

RONALD

Weather man said it might be seventy-eight tomorrow. Maybe eighty.

NANCY

Eighty degrees? Eight degrees in Northern Minnesota in May? Unheard of!

(She goes back to looking out the window)

This really is a special occasion, I mean, isn’t it, Ronald? Someone is definitely smiling down upon…he’s here, Ronald! He’s here!

(She drops the drapes down again)

RONALD

(Glancing down at his watch yet still reading his magazine)

And look, it’s 6:45. Just like he said.

NANCY

(Looking through the drapes once again)

I can’t see what he’s wearing yet…

RONALD

What’s he driving?

NANCY

Something blue…or black…I don’t know, it’s dark out.

RONALD

(Disgusted)

Probably something foreign.

NANCY

Oh my…he looks so adult! And he’s so tall! Sandy never did say how tall he was. Why, he could be a basketball player! Why is he so tall, Ronald?

RONALD

He’s a senior, Nancy. He probably is a basketball player.

NANCY

(Teary-eyed)

He’s so beautiful.

RONALD

I’ll yell up for Sandy.

NANCY

Oh no, now wait, Ronald! Wait just a second. Give me…us…a chance to visit with him a little before they rush off.

RONALD

Nancy, it’s their senior prom. They don’t want to waste their evening spending time with two old, cantankerous…

NANCY

Oh, now, I don’t think…

RONALD

…over bearing parents when they could be dancing and eating and taking pictures…

NANCY

Pictures! I almost forgot! Where’s the camera, Ron?

RONALD

(Pulling out a disposable camera from his shirt pocket)

Right where you demanded I put it, Nancy.

(He goes to her and takes her hands)

Now please, sweetheart, try to relax. You don’t want to get too excited; you’ll get Sandy all upset. And I can’t handle two hysterical women on one prom night.

NANCY

It’s just that I’m so excited too. Daughters don’t realize how much we mother’s want everything just perfect for them. This isn’t a regular date, you know!

RONALD

(Giving in)

I know, I know.

(The doorbell rings)

All right, let the sweaty faced kid in! We’ll take just a few minutes out and get to know him before they zoom off in a…

(He peers out the window)

It’s worse than I thought: it says “Big Wheel” on the back. For the love of…

(The doorbell rings again, this time impatiently)

NANCY

(At the door)

Okay, I’m opening!

RONALD

Well, don’t just keep talking about it!

NANCY

What?

RONALD

Nancy, open it! Open it!

NANCY

(She starts to, and then:)

Ronald?

RONALD

Nancy-what?

NANCY

I love you.

RONALD

(Motioning to the door; big grin)

I love you too, Pookie-now open the door!

NANCY

Well, here goes!

(Hand on the doorknob)

RONALD

No, Nancy, wait! Wait for one second.

NANCY

(Now she is impatient)

What?

(Beat)

What?

RONALD

Remember: not one word tonight about “you know who.” Understand?

NANCY

(Knowing exactly what he means)

I don’t know what you mean.

RONALD

Yes, you do. Please. Leave it out. Follow?

NANCY

(Troubled)

Okay.

RONALD

(Chipper again)

Now, open that darn door before he breaks it down!

(With a huge smile, she does. When the door has cleared, AARON is standing

before them. He is tall and awkward. His tux appears to be rumpled and the rose

on his lapel is upside down. In his hand is what appears to have been a bunch of

flowers before they were somehow stepped on by an elephant. His eyes are wide

and frantic)

NANCY

(Not affected by his appearance)

Why hello, Aaron! Please, you come right in.

AARON

(He does)
I’m sorry. I am really, very sorry.

RONALD

Sorry? Sorry for what? You haven’t even gotten my daughter home late yet! There’s still plenty of time to be sorry!

NANCY

Why, no! No reason at all!

AARON

I’m usually never so late. Never in my life have I been this late!

NANCY

Late? You’re not late.

(She looks at an imaginary watch and then at her husband)

Ronald, didn’t you say it was 6:45?

RONALD

Yes, I did. And it is now 6:48.

AARON

I was supposed to be here at 5:45! Sandy and I had 6:30 reservations!

NANCY

Oh, no!

AARON

Oh, yes! But I had this-and please don’t think I’m making this up-flat tire, and I had to change it, but I’ve never changed a flat before, and I was cranking the car up, and it kept falling, and back up again, and falling, and then I realized that I had the jack underneath the trunk and not the frame and then I realized that the jack was actually going through the trunk, and now I have this huge hole in the bottom of my dad’s car, and not only that, but I’ve never been over in this part of Moorhead, and the street lights are out, and I didn’t even see the house until I rang the doorbell!

RONALD

Aah, in theory it’s your dad’s fault, Billy. American cars never have flats, and that’s a guaranteed fact.

AARON

Aaron. And I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. I thought the tire looked a little flat when I left Pelican. I should have had my dad help me change it before I left.

NANCY

You live in Pelican Rapids? And you still go to high school in Moorhead?

AARON

Um, well, I used to live in Moorhead, but now I live with my dad in Pelican. My mom is still here though.

NANCY

(Beat)

Well, Sandy didn’t say a word to us about 5:45. But she’s upstairs still getting ready; she’s not even ready yet herself.

RONALD

Why don’t you sit down for a minute, and catch your breath.

NANCY

Maybe you’d like a drink?

AARON

(Panicked)

Oh, I’d like to, but you see…

RONALD

But you heard Nancy. Sandy’s not quite ready yet, so what’s the rush?

AARON

(To NANCY)

Maybe you could check on her? It’s just that, as it is, we’ll have to skip our dinner reservations so we can make it to the dance on time.

NANCY

So you’re a few minutes late to the dance. No one arrives on time.

RONALD

But your impatience is understandable.

AARON

Yes, and normally I wouldn’t care, but this dance is…different…for me.

NANCY

Different?

AARON

(Hesitantly)

Well, this year they decided to do things differently. In the past, the students elected the king and queen of Prom Night before the actual night.

NANCY

Oh, I always hated that part of it all. It was all a ploy to put the popular kids in the spotlight.

RONALD

And I take it you’re not exactly the quarterback of the football team, eh?

AARON

Exactly. But this year they decided to vote at the dance itself.

RONALD

(Frankly, but not unkindly)

This could turn out just like Carrie did. How does that change the fact that the other kids don’t like you?

AARON

It doesn’t. But see, all the couples at the dance will be listed on a ballot. Only couples at the dance can win the king and queen spot. This eliminates someone having to share the royalty position with someone that they didn’t come with. Do you understand?

NANCY

It’s all so political!

RONALD

It would seem…

AARON

Yes, but now I have a chance to win with Sandy’s name on the ballot next to mine.

NANCY

How exciting! I never thought!

AARON

All the other kids love Sandy.

RONALD

Of course they do!

AARON

And since I’m going with her, I might have a change to win something other than the one time Bingo win at St. Margaret’s last October.

NANCY

That is so sad.

RONALD

You see, I knew our daughter was special-you certainly didn’t have to tell us that!

AARON

But the voting and knighting ceremony is within the first hour, so if we don’t get there on time, I’ll…we’ll…be disqualified.

RONALD

Then we need to get you two going! Nancy, run upstairs and check on Sandy. See if she’s about ready. I’m going to get this boy something to drink.

NANCY

(Cheerfully)

All right!

(She does)

RONALD

Now, what’ll you have?

AARON

Well, all right. Maybe one…

RONALD

(Heading off towards the kitchen)

I suppose hard liquor is out of the question; we want you sober enough to dance now, don’t we?

AARON

(Half-laugh)

Yeah, I guess.

RONALD

Then it’ll just have to be a beer then, I suppose. Have a seat there, buddy!

(He exits into the kitchen. AARON just stands there, stung. And then, to himself:)

AARON

Is he kidding?

(He walks over and carefully sits down on the sofa. Moments later, he creeps to the

bottom of the staircase and whispers up)

Sandy?

(No response. He moves back to the couch and fixes his rose. RONALD enters from

the kitchen carrying a tray with two glasses of ice and a bottle of Mountain Dew)

RONALD

Drinks all around!

AARON

(As RONALD pours AARON a drink)

Thank you.

(RONALD pours his own drink)

RONALD

There we are. Why don’t we have a seat and get to know each other better.

(They do)

Have you known my daughter long?

AARON

Ever since the ninth grade. I mean, I knew of her, but I really didn’t know her until this month.

RONALD

(He isn’t listening. He takes a drink. Slowly at first. Then, to himself/his drink)

Nice to see you again.

(Back to AARON)

So, you didn’t know her until…when?

AARON

This month.

RONALD

After all those years? What made the two of you start talking?

AARON

Well, Sandy was…is…my peer counselor.

RONALD

(He is drinking throughout the following conversation. AARON ignore his drink)

She’s your therapist?

AARON

Um, not exactly. She’s more of a…the school thought I should…never mind.

RONALD

Oh, no, please. Do go on.

AARON

The school thought, after I got back, that I ought to have someone my age to talk to, and Sandy was appointed to me. We just hit if off.

RONALD

(The caffeine has begun to take an effect. RONALD’s eyes dart everywhere, and he

raises his voice level some)

Who would’ve guessed our Sandy was interested in therapy?

AARON

(Beat. Then, realizing he was meant to answer the question)

You didn’t know?

RONALD

Oh, yes! I mean, of course her mother and I knew of it. We were just surprised when she mentioned it to us.

AARON

Oh? Why is that?

RONALD

She just never seemed to like to help other people. Growing up, she was always more involved with herself.

AARON

Sure doesn’t seem like it now.

RONALD

Yes.

(Beat)

And why did the school feel like you needed intense therapy?

AARON

There was stuff…and my grades dropped and I started skipping school.

RONALD

(Suddenly his eyes roll back, and he becomes flushed. He snaps back to attention)

Ah-ha. And that’s when the shrink came into play.

AARON

(Very uncomfortable)

No, actually. My principal set me up with Sandy, and then she recommended that I also see someone professionally.

RONALD

Things must be awfully bad to have to see two shrinks.

AARON

Yes. I suppose.

RONALD

(Taking a big, long drink)
And what are you studying in school?

AARON

Just general stuff. The stuff they make you take.

RONALD

(Unloosens his tie)

Yes, but you’re a senior. What will you be focusing on then?

AARON

(Watching RONALD finish off his Mountain Dew and pouring another)

I’m planning on being a marine biologist.

RONALD

(Finishing another long drink)

Aah…the study of the sea.

AARON

Yes.

(Beat)

Um, do you think you should check on your wife and Sandy?

RONALD

(NANCY is seen behind RONALD coming down the stairs)

Oh, no, I’m sure they’re fine. Let’s not rush them.

NANCY

Okay, she’s coming along. I just had to help her with…

(Seeing a drink to RONALD’s lips. She uncharacteristically screams)

RONALD!

RONALD

(Upon this extreme outburst, RONALD and AARON jump up, AARON grabbing

his heart. RONALD’s glass almost falls to the floor. Finally)

WHAT?

NANCY

What do you think you’re doing? You know exactly “what!”

AARON

Maybe I should…

NANCY

I thought you’d give him a beer or something from the wet bar!

RONALD

Darling, we’re out of beer-everything as a matter of fact. This was all that we had!

NANCY

The doctor, Ronald. The doctor.

RONALD

(To AARON)

You’ll have to pardon Nancy, son. She’s a little overly concerned with matters of my health.

AARON

Are you…are you sick or something?

NANCY

Yes! Very sick!

RONALD

(Admonishing)

Nancy!

(To AARON)

As a matter of fact, my doctor gave me an unclean bill of health the last visit, and unfortunately, I’ve had to make some changes in my lifestyle. Nancy is here to guarantee I follow this new way of living.

NANCY

And that includes pop, Ronald!

(To AARON)
Caffeine is the masked killer.

AARON

Yes.

(Then, confused)

Sorry?

NANCY

The masked killer! Everybody is so concerned with alcohol these days! We have MADD and SADD and AAA-what everybody should be paying more attention to is caffeine! Nobody expects it to be a slow killer, but it is!

RONALD

(Going to her)

Nancy, darling, you are completely overreacting. A couple small sips of pop is not going to kill anybody. Anybody! The doctor said if I was careful…

NANCY

The doctor said that you weren’t to have any…

RONALD

The doctor isn’t here, and I’ve had a few drinks, and I’m fine!

NANCY

A few? You’ve had a few?

(To AARON)
How many has he had?

AARON

You know, I’m not really…

NANCY

(Raising her voice to AARON)
How many has he had?

AARON

Two…I think.

NANCY

You’ve had two, Ronald? Well, that’s just wonderful. Perfect.

RONALD

(Holding her gently, but she tries to resist)

Darling, please. It’s one time. One! And I’ve only had two, and I promise: no more!

(Before she can respond, he downs his drink)

See, baby, all gone.

NANCY

It just worries me, that’s all.

RONALD

I know it does, and I’m sorry. But you have to understand, this is a special occasion. It’s not like it’s everyday that our Samantha goes to the prom.

AARON

(Immediately)

Sandy.

RONALD

(Beat)
What? I’m sorry, what was that?

NANCY

(Also quickly)

Darling, you referred to our Sandy as Samantha…again.

RONALD

I did? Oh, yes, I did.

NANCY

Samantha is Sandy’s birth name.

RONALD

It was on her birth certificate.

AARON

Oh.

(Beat)

Why?

NANCY

Well, because Sandy is short for Samantha.

AARON

It is? I thought “Sammy” would be short for Samantha.

NANCY

You’re right. Yes, you are correct! But John couldn’t say “Sandy” when he was little. He could only say…”Samantha.”

AARON

Who?

RONALD

(His speech is quicker now, and his body visibly shakes)

Uh, we just started calling her “Sandy” from then on.

AARON

(Confused)

Oh. Okay.

(Beat)
Um, is she almost ready? We’re really going to be late.

NANCY

Her hair. Her hair isn’t quite perfect. She had it all up and, to be honest, it was quite beautiful, but she wanted it to be perfect, so she let it down and started all over again.

AARON

(Muffling a slight groan)

Maybe I should go up there. She won’t want to be late anymore than I…

NANCY

You know what? I’ think I’ll have a cold beverage myself. I think you’re correct, Ronald-this is a special occasion. Pour me one would you, dear?

RONALD

(Carefully)

Now, Nancy, the doctor…

NANCY

The doctor advised that you don’t have caffeine. He never said anything to me.

RONALD

Yet caffeine isn’t healthy for any of us. You’re going to be a doctor, son, won’t you be advising people of the dangers of caffeine?

AARON

A marine biologist. I’m going to be a marine biologist, not a doctor.